Everything takes longer than you think.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
43.3% of statistics are meaningless!
Anything free is worth what you pay for it
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.