Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"
What's another word for a murderer who kills old ladies? A Killergran.
Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin ? There was some money in the kitty !
Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ? Beacause a little water ends both of them !
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" asked the captain. "Throw out an anchor, sir." replied the naval student. "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" asked the captain. "Throw out another anchor, sir." answered the student. "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?" asked the captain. "Throw out another anchor." replied the student. "Hold on," said the Captain. "Where are you getting all your anchors from?" The naval student replied, "From the same place you're getting all of your storms, sir."
What is a parrot's favorite game ? Hide and Speak !
There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her papal neighbour. 'Father, surely you can do something about this...' To which the Pope replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management.'
Why does an inspiring sight like a sunrise always have to take place at such an inconvenient time?
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."
What lives in gum trees ? Stick insects !
Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the gold and silver in my mouth? Dentist: Don't smile in a bad neighborhood.
What has 200 legs, 50 noses, and is very loud? A herd of stampeding aardvarks!
Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality.
Knock Knock Who's there ? Cheese ! Cheese who ? Cheese a cute girl !
How do you spell elephant ? E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t "That's not how the dictionary spells it" "You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it !"
Your ugly. And you're drunk. Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober !
What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog? I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.
Customer: Waiter, there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries - that's my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.