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A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Disco Barbie ...dressed in chiffon; inclbiudes disco ball

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"

Yo mamma's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

Who writes books for little bees ? Bee-trix Potter !

How does a group of dolphin's make a decision? Flipper coin!

What do you call a thick-skinned aardvark? A hardvark!

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said,' Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.' Bill wasn't impressed, ' Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it !

Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, "I'll climb this tree and shake the branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack." "But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assisant. "If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog."

What do you call a black Eskimo dog ? A dusky husky !

Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: A viola burns longer.

Yo mamas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials.

Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom. "Mr. Talbot," said the teacher, "I asked James 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!" "Well, teacher," said Talbot, "if my kid said he didn't do it he didn't do it!" Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked, "Tell me, son, did you do it?" '

Knock Knock Who's there ! Cain ! Cain who ? Cain you tell !

Knock Knock Who's there ! Amsterdam ! Amsterdam who ? Amsterdam is like plum jam, but made from hamsters !

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns. The brunette makes it 15 miles before she's too tired to go any farther and drowns. The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted island, decides she's too tired to go any farther, and swims all the way back to the deserted island.

Q: How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: What's a light bulb?

Knock Knock Who's there ! Bootie ! Bootie who ? Bootieful downtown Burbank !

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

How does the pig farmer get to the fair? He rides piggyback.