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Tourist: The flies are awfully thick around here. Don't you ever shoo them? Native: No, we just let them go barefoot.
What bit of fish doesn't make sense ? The piece of cod that passeth all understanding !
What lands as often on its tail as it does its head? A penny.
One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied, It's about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!
What do ghosts watch if they want to relax? Skelly-vision!
What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!
My teacher's got a pretty face if you can read between the lines.
Q: What is the definition of Death? A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly.
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better." The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?" "I just shut down two engines, kid."
How did that bullfight come out? Oh, it was a toss-up!