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Knock Knock Who's there ! Carrie ! Carrie who ? Carrie on camping !
Knock Knock Who's there ! Butch ! Butch who ? Butch your arms around me !
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally me et some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me." "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?" He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?
Q: What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We're still trying to find out too.
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail? I don't know but it would slow him down.
What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse!
There's a brunette standing in the middle of a street jumping up and down, counting "57, 57, 57." A blonde walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, "Sure." So the two jump up and down counting "57, 57, 57." Suddenly, the brunette jumps onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The brunette goes back into the street and starts jumping again, counting "58, 58, 58."
What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
Why do dogs run in circles ? Because its hard to run in squares !