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Knock Knock Who's there ! Courtney Pine ! Courtney Pine who ? Courtney Pine tables, I need a new one !
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say 'hi.'
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A birthday pheasant!
A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?". The man says "Sorry - we're right out of petrol." So the man considers, and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?" And the attendant responds"Sorry, but no oil either." The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant "Just what kind of petrol station is this ?" The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front." The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres !"
What salesman has the slickest line? A hair grease salesman.
When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog. Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night television.
What is a horse's favourite sport? Stable tennis!
Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge ? Because it turns "ice" into "mice" !
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist ? Kermit the Fog !