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Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town. On one particular day it was 40 below zero and Garvin made his way into the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a whiskey. "I don't know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big bill in here." The bartender told him. " I know," Garvin replied, "But I'm flat broke, and I sure could use a drink. "OK," The barkeep told him, "I'll just write your tab down on the piece of paper and pin it up here by the coat rack." "Oh no, don't do that, I don't want everyone in town to see it. "Don't worry," The bartender replied, "I'm going to cover it up with your parka until its paid!"
Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at school
Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't? A: Her navel.
What did the overweight ballet dancer perform ? The dance of the sugar plump fairy !
Trevor: That's a cool pair of stockings you have on Jill. One red and one green. Jill: Yes, and I have another pair just like it at home.
What kind of a pitch did Sandy Koufax of the old Burger-lyn Dodgers have? A fastball - a sizzler.
When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ? He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !
What do some burger eaters have? A Hardee appetite!
What do you call a very rude bird ? A mockingbird !
How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.