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Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A. He didn't have the guts too
May I buy half a rabbit? No, we don't split hares!
A little boy came running into the kitchen. "Dad, dad," he said, "there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face." "Tell him you've already got one," said his father.
Why are spiders like tops ? They are always spinning !
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ? Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through." St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"
What do you call a crazy chicken ? A cuckoo cluck !
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
What kind of shoes to frogs like ? Open toad sandals !
What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!