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USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

I remember when Father Christmas first passed his sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in front of the toy factory.'Have you passed?' I asked. Father Christmas pointly proudly to the front of the sleigh. 'See for yourself!' he called proudly. 'No-el plates!'

How do you post a fish? You send it COD ... or first bass mail

What kind of a pitch did Sandy Koufax of the old Burger-lyn Dodgers have? A fastball - a sizzler.

Q: Bill, Hillary, and Al are in a boat. The boat sinks. Who is saved? A: The United States of America.

A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it ''Curl Up and Dye.''

Why did the updraft get pulled over? -It was speeding in a high shear zone

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart? Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!

Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe? Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it? Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!

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