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There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Mick Jagger Barbie ...Mick with Barbie's head...but Mick's lips

A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said "Why do you want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy." The man replied "Well the wifes mother comes this weekend and I want to make sure there are no signs of any welcome!!"

Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten? Waiter: I didn't have time to finish it.

This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says: "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair."

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog? A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? ANSWER: Milk and honey.

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "You buyin'?"

How do you know you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Why does mama aardvark call her husband a cannibal? Because he ate his ant for dinner!