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Q: Why can't Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against his critics? A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame.
Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be." "Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!" "No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy. "I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply. "Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone. After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"
What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits? Rabbits habits.
On the last day of camp everyone was asked the same question: 'What is the best part of the camp?' One wise guy answered, 'Going home!'
Is there big money in the cattle business? So I've herd!
After a visit to the circus, Geoff and Don were discussing the thrills and marvels they had seen. "I didn't think much of the knife thrower, did you?" said Geoff. "I thought he was great!" enthused Don. "Well, I didn't," said Geoff. "He kept throwing those knives at that soppy girl but he didn't hit her once."
Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus? A: He wanted to sing higher!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
Who won the race between two balls of string? They we're tied!