A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an M L." The bartender says, "What's an M L?" The brunette says, "A Miller Light." Another brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a B L" The bartender says, "What's a B L?" She says, "Bud Light." A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a 15." The bartender says, "What's a fifteen?" The blonde says, "7&7, duh!"

Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school? A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.

What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ? It became a daddy short legs !

A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head. "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I've no idea what it is." The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. "I'm stumped," said the doctor, "but you can try taking these pills." When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head. "Ah!" said the doctor, "I know what it is. You've got a beauty spot."

What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet ? An elephant with spare parts !el

Why did the ant-elope ? Nobody gnu !

Knock Knock Who's there ! Alistair ! Alistair who ? Alistairs in this house are broken !

Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? A: Write 'pp, espressivo'.

The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board. When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed 'bored'."

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.