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Why did the pig join a muscle-building class? He thought "pumping iron" was a new juice dispenser.
What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog? A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.
I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind. Let's hope your new one works better then the one you had before.
Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?
Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then ? Well, I saw this light at the window...!
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
Mom: Joe, time for your medicine. Joe: I'll run the bath then. Mom: Why? Joe: Because on the bottle it says "to be taken in water."
A stupid glazier was examining a broken window. He looked at it for a while and then said, "It's worse than I thought. It's broken on both sides."
There was a man staying the night in a hotel. He called the front desk and said, "Excuse me, sir, I've got a leak in my sink." The man at the front desk replied, "Oh, okay, go ahead, but most guests just use the toilet."
Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories? A: Violists.