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Camper: There's something wrong with my hot dog. Cook: Don't tell me. I'm not a veterinarian.
Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them." The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"
One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggled and replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ? "You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours !"
Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
What person strives to ensure safety for horses? Ralph Neighder!
Knock Knock Who's there ! Cereal ! Cereal who ? Cereal pleasure to meet you !
What did one candle say to the other? "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
What is the definition of "moon"? The past tense of "moo"!