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Why were the burgers in the refrigerator embarrassed? They saw the salad dressing!

What is the bank manager's favourite type of football? Fiver side!

Chaffee could talk on any subject whether he knew anything about it or not. Mostly he didn't. One day his neighbor Nibley could stand no more. "Do you realize," asked Nibley, "that you and I know all there is to be known?" "Do you really think so?" said Chaffee. "How do you figure that?" "Easy," answered Nibley. "You know everything except that you're a damn idiot. And I know that!"

yo mama so nasty... cows with mad cow disease run from her..

How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning? By opening the car door.

Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis? A: So they can think with an open mind.

Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale. Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for a mammoth.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.

Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don't feel well. Doctor: Don't worry, you'll just have to go to bed for a spell.

Policeman: Didn't you see my lights flashing? Motorist: No, I was going faster than the speed of light.