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What do you get if you cross a radio music presenter with Match of the Day ? DDDDDDDDDDDDDJ !

A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, ''Where do you live?'' Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guy's house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guy's wife comes to the door. The man says, ''Hello, I've brought your husband home.'' The wife looks at the man and asks, ''Where's his wheel chair?''

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

What's the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.

Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.

Julie: What time is it? Counsellor: Three o'clock. Julie: Oh,no! Counsellor: What's the matter? Julie: I've been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!

What did the painter say to her boyfriend? "I love you with all my art!"

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Power Ranger Barbie ...with karate-chop action; complete with the ridiculous outfit

Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair? A: They pull up their pants.

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

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