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Why were the burgers in the refrigerator embarrassed? They saw the salad dressing!
Why is it easy to break in to an old man's house? Because his gait is broken, and his locks are few.
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area." "Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"
What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it? Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!
What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde ? A jet setter !
Seriously, when the crooked hamburger took it on the 1am, where did it go? Heidelburg-er, Germany!
Have you seen www.square.com? No, I haven't got around to it.
A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark. 'Hello, Jenny,' said the neighbour. 'Isn't it time for little girls to be in bed?' 'How would I know?' asked Jenny. 'I haven't got any little girls.'
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"