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Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.

Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs? A: By their names.

Barber: Your hair is getting grey, Sir. Customer: I'm not surprised - hurry up, will you?

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road? He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

What do you call an alcoholic dog ? A whino !

I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise. Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Does your brother keep himself clean? Oh, yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or not.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Borg ! Borg who ? Borg standard !

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

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