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A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer. Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral?" The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant. Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, "I don't know. I'm going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this." He goes into Mr. Larson's office and comes back. Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, "It's a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!"
Why did the janitor take early retirement? Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.
What did the jack say to the car? "Can I give you a lift?"
Teacher: "Who built the first American car?" Student: "Me Pilgrims." Teacher: "The Pilgrims?" Student: "Yeah, they made the Mayflower Compact."
Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed.
A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leadind a kangaroo."I'm worried about my husband, doctor, " she said. "He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! "
Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change!
Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who'd land first? A: Who cares!
Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any good, it only has sentimental value. Mugger: That's all right. I'm sentimental.
Detective: Do you think I should put on the cuffs? Criminal: Why? You look good in short sleeves.